I woke up startled. With a long face, my son was trying to rouse me from bed. The frown didn-t settle well with me so I sat up and let him climb onto my lap so that he could sit comfortably.
“What happened, champ?” I asked him while kissing his forehead and pulling him closer to me.
“Mommy said she can’t help me with my homework today as she has a lot of work. And daddy will you please help me with it.” My son asked me.
“Anytime dear. And tell me what’s your homework. Wait! Did you have your breakfast? “I asked my son.
I looked to my left side to look at my wife but she isn’t there. I heard her bangles jingling sound on my right. I turned my head towards the direction of the sound and spotted her near the wardrobe. She is looking so cute at the moment.
She stood keeping her hand on her forehead while thinking something. And after some time she started arranging neatly the wardrobe.
All the while I forgot about my son who is saying something. I looked at him as he shook me.
“Daddy, I am saying something but you are busy staring at mommy!”my son said.
If it is any other day my wife would blush but I understand the circumstances are not favoured.
“Sorry, please tell me again” I said to him.
“Yes papa, I had my break fast. And my home work is to write a story in English. “
“Hmmm, OK. I think I may help you. ” I said thoughtfully to which my son jumped happily.
“OK, I’ll narrate you the story and you write it in your book “
“Long long ago, there lived a very handsome prince just like your father” I said patting my imaginary back.
“One day, the prince went for hunting. There he saw the most beautiful princesses smiling near the water pool just like your momma” I said and noticed my wife being stiffened with the mention of her name.
“But suddenly the princesses became sad. The prince didn’t like the princess being sad so he asked her the reason behind her sadness”
“Did the princess told the prince”asked my son eagerly.
“Yes,dear. She said. As I said the prince went to hunting right, there he has targeted at a cute rabbit which was a pet to the princess. So she told him the reason and asked him not to kill the rabbit.”
“The prince could not see her sad. So he agreed on one condition. Only if the princess will never be sad than he will leave the rabbit. The princess agreed to this and gave a bright smile. Both the prince and princess were happy.”
” She was a fool. Had she known what betrayal felt like she-d foresee the bigger pain yet to come,” my wife muttered absentmindedly.
” He was the bigger fool in the end to give her such pain. He regrets what his foolishness resulted in,” I said directing it to her.
The topic had begun to change. Our life and my story had begun to overlap. It was the immense pain in her eyes when she looked at me I couldn’t bear more looking at her sad eyes. I hurried into the bathroom.
Even the scalding shower couldn’t hurt me like her sad eyes did and that was all my fault. Mine.
I opened my eyes startling. I need to speak with her. Running away from her is not the solution for this problem.
I Need To Speak To Her.
After my shower I came out tying the towel around my waist. My wife and son are not here in the room.
May be they went down. I assumed.
I wore my casuals and came down running. She is helping my son in his home work.
“Champ, will you please go to your room for five minutes. Daddy wants to speak something to mommy. OK” I asked my son and he accepted soon.
My wife is staring into nothing after my son left to his room. Taking a deep breath I took a step forward.
“Ummm, I need to speak something with you jaan” I said clearing my throat. But alas! She didn’t even budge.
“Jaan, I am speaking to you. Please look at me” I said little louder. And there is no movement from her.
I tried for five to six times but got the same resulted which frustrated me.
I didn’t know what got into me, I pulled her to me by her arms and shouted ” Why don’t you understand dammit. I want to speak something with you. I can’t see you slipping from my fingers. I need you in my life.”
She removed my arms roughly and shouted equally matching my voice. “Why don’t I understand huh? Then what did you understand ha? When you want you will speak and when you don’t you will just walk away. Just for few days you felt difficult than have you ever thought about me. Its been more than three years we have talked”
I didn’t know when my eyes filled along with hers. She took a deep breath before speaking again. But her voice was little low than earlier.
“Do you even know how I used to cry waiting for you. Do you know how I used to feel alone. I have been hoping may be you are working a lot and need rest. But I didn’t know that, the rest you need is from our Marriage! ” she completed whispering the last words.
“I know. I know sorry is too little for my sins but Jaan I don-t have anything else to give. You mean everything to me and back then- back then I was so confused. My head was all over the place. Sanaya made me feel good when she encouraged me but that pales in the realisation I’ve come to about your support. I’ll always need your support more than her encouragement. I need you in my life. Without you I’ll die” – I burst into unrestrained heavy sobs.
“How I wish you were dead” I heard her say. And it shocked me.
“You didn’t mean it right ” I said to her while looking at her.
“I mean it in the most complete way possible. I wish you were dead. I wish you were dead so you wouldn’t revel in watching me die slowly every single day we-re together. I hate you so much right now, with my whole being that no other thought brings me such peace.
Why won-t you die I keep thinking.
Why wouldn’t you die I keep praying.
When will you die I keep asking” She screamed fleeing the room. The door banged shut behind her.
Rooted to the spot,chest tight I found it hard to think or breathe.
I made a run to my car clutching my keys in my fist. The metal dug into my skin but I ignored that pain.
I was ignorant of the pain and blinded by tears I had to wrestle away from my lashes. What had I done? What had I done to us?
Suddenly there is a booming sound and I am lying upside down.
Then I have realized I met with an accident. Blood is continuously flowing and I couldn’t figure from where as my whole body is feeling numb.
A sudden boom sound cloaked me as I found myself completely numb. I couldn’t move nor ascertain which way I was up. All I could do was grimly smile, my mouth flooded with blood. I could taste the warm metallic tang to it.
God might be late to execute but he never failed to execute the wish of an ardent prayer, that too from a devoted wife. At least I finally brought her some peace at last.
I smiled with difficulty. My wife will be happy now. I want her to be happy always. I am a monster to hurt an angel like her. I deserve more than this. But she will be happy with out my presence.
Before going into deep pit of darkness I whispered “I love you Jaan, always did and always will”.
To be continued
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